Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
