I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
