i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
