Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
