WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
