Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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