I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
