I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
