My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
