We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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