Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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