I'm laying in your front yard are you home
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize