i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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