This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
