Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
