Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
