You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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