He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
