Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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