he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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