You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
