btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
