OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
