Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
