You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
