Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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