Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
