I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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