i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
