somebody snuck up and got me drunk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
