pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
