i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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