Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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