someone threw a dead crab at me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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