At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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