I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
