Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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