Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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