I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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