It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
