I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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