I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
