So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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