Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said her name was "party"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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