I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
