my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
