the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
