My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you had me at cake vodka
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Randomize
