how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
