the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The adults are the big ones right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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