Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My feet surprised me
Randomize
