Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just gift wrapped bread.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
