fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
