i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
