I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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