never play flip cup with pint glasses
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
