I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
