Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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