You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
