Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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