I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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