Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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