I wanna bring you to show and tell
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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