BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
