oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
