it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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