Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
