Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
