I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
