I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
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Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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