dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
